LOL COZ U CAN

Johnny walked into class with a black eye;
Teacher: what’s wrong?
Johnny: our house is very small.
Me, my mom, and my dad we sleep on the same bed.
Last night my dad asked, 'Johnny are u sleeping?
When I said No, he slapped my face and gave me a Black eye!"Teacher: the next time when your dad asks if you're sleeping, keep dead quiet and don’t answer.
The following morning Johnny comes back with a severe+ SEVERE + black eye again..
Teacher: My goodness why the black eye again?
Johnny: Dad asked me again, Johnny are you sleeping? 
And I shut up n kept dead still. Then my dad and my mom started moving, you know at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, Kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed.
Then my dad asked my mom, are you coming?
Mom said: Yes I’m coming, are u coming too?
Dad answered: Yes!!!
They don’t usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm also coming...LMAO

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as itcomes home, it rushes and fucks all the 153hens.The farmer is impressed thinking about theeggs the hens would hatch.At lunch the young energetic cock againscrews all the 153 hens, the farmer gottense now.Next day he finds the cock screwing theducks, goose and parrot too which scaredthe hell out of him.Later that day he fins the cock lying palehalf dead and vultures circling over it.The farmer says "U horny bastard. Udeserver this".The cock replied "shhh!don' t shout, let themland, I've never fucked a vulture in mywhole fucking career.

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest : "What have you done my child?"
Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a
bitch?"
Girl : "Because he touched my hand."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he touched my breast."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her
clothes)
Girl : "Yes father."
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" (after a few minutes)
Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl : "But father,he had AIDS!"
Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"